uuwi na ako sa martes. matapos ang dalawang taon dito sa hong kong, ngayon ay magfo-for-good na talaga akesh.
bagong kabanata, bagong buhay, at sana nga, may bagong ako.
nung una pa lamang ay binalaan na ako tungkol sa kanya, pero ngayon ko lang napagtagpi-tagpi kung paano gumalaw ang ahas.
nakakatuwa pagminsan ang mga taong nagsisinungaling sayo lalo na kung pina uunlakan mo ang kanilang mga kasinungalingan.
nakikita mo na ang kanilang mukha sa ilalim ng maskara pero sila patuloy pa rin sa kanilang pag-arte na parang hindi mo pa natutukoy ang kwento at kung ano ang kanyang patutunguhan.
alam mo na naman kasi ang kwento dahil ilang ulit mo na rin itong nasaksihan. manghihinayang ka nga lang dahil, sa mga naunang palabas na iyong nasubaybayan, bihasa sa inggles ang mga ahas.
i was on board a bus almost exactly two years ago, looking at ricefields passing me by after landing in hanoi, when i got a call and learned about the job opportunity here in hk.
with mom being sick then, i immediately took the offer even before we arrived at the hotel for that business trip.
so, i find it quite a coincidence that now, two years later, i find myself in the company of those same people on that bus, now that i'm leaving hong kong.
if everything goes well, i'll be submitting my letter of resignation today.
the road has been long and hard but i find it fitting that i'm with those same bus people now that i'm starting a new journey, hopefully, back home.
"i can see that you like singing."
"talaga? how did you know? am i that obvious?"
"well, it depends on the size of the mike (naughty grin)."
"nyek. but i wasn't trying to talk dirty to you."
of course, he ended up eating his words...and then some.
i just realized that i'm ending a cycle that's been running for 14 years...can't believe this is happening....i might actually be finally saying goodbye to a chapter that has run its course, for better or for worse, and life is really changing.
dang, i'm getting teary-eyed and that feeling that something's stuck in my throat...
letting go of the deadwood that have accumulated, set-ups that no longer work...saying goodbye and slowly smothering the man i've come to know....giving birth to something new...and yet definitely someone older.
I think the whole soul mate thing is sort of silly. I was dating this guy once, and we discovered very early on that we ate the same chocolate chip cookies, these really obscure ones, for breakfast. And we had the same weird flat-screen TV that nobody else had. And it was like, “Oh my God, we’re soul mates.” But it wasn’t that we were soul mates. It was that we had really poor nutritional habits and an interest in this strange aesthetic. I think people attribute commonalities to the fact that they’re soul mates. We want the soul mate thing to happen and so we look for ways to say to ourselves that it has.
The question becomes: Are you willing to risk what you have in order to hold out for what either may not exist or, equally important, may not be attainable to you, even if it did exist? It’s nice to have high ideals, but the reality is, you may not be attractive to what you consider the best.
Feeling as you do now, what would you have done differently?
I would have considered dating guys I never gave a chance. Platonic guy-friends, or guys I met who asked me out but I turned them down, or guys I went on just one date with because I didn’t feel any chemistry or whatever I thought I was supposed to feel. I was looking for a spark when I should have been looking for a solid life partner.
....Don’t hold out for the thing that’s going to really rock your world—that’s the message. It’s about a lot more than that.
Niyaya mo akong mamasyal sa zoo
Ang sabi mo kase kailangan mo ng kasama
Sumama naman ako kase crush kita noon pa
Kunsabagay, gusto ko na ring magka... alam mo na.
Pagkatapos kumain tayo sa labas
Kwinento mo ang iyong nakaraan
Iniwanan ka pala ng yong boypren
Kasi ayaw n'ya ang bago mong buhok.
Mahal ka ba n'ya talaga
Mahal ka ba n'ya talaga?
Inaliw kita, tawa ka nga nang tawa eh
Sinabi mo, wag kitang iwan, ayaw mong mag-isa
O.K. lang sa akin, abutin man ng umaga
Lahat ay gagawin para ka lang mapasaya.
Repeat Chorus 2x
Ako, mahal kita
Mahal na mahal (4x)
Natatandaan mo, ang saya-saya natin ano
Sa zoo. (6x)
met someone who reminded me of this song. college itoh. astig! =D
Vide Cor Meum
By Patrick Cassidy
And thinking of her
Sweet sleep overcame me
I am your master
See your heart
And of this burning heart
(Chorus: She trembling)
Weeping, I saw him then depart from me.
Joy is converted
To bitterest tears
I am in peace
I am in peace
See my heart
paano kaya kung nagising na lang ako sa iyong tabi
habang binabakas ng aking dila ang mga unang hibla ng paparating na araw
at pilit na hinahagkan ang naglalahong hamog ng nagdaang gabi?
nalalasahan ko pa ang huling tagas ng iyong galak sa gitna ng nag uumapaw na tubig
ang mga natirang patak ng mga namuong latik sa aking bibig
The Blower's Daughter
By Damien Rice
And so it is
"I chose a career and life very far from anything a fat cat experiences. Let me repeat the first part of that sentence - `I chose.' How can I be resentful to people making a lot of money when I never chose that. That’s not what I wanted to do.
Measuring yourself against others is a prescription for unhappiness. How is you life any better if the fat cats are doing well or doing poorly. Feeling good about their tough times is fool’s gold. There will always be people who earn ridiculous amounts of money. There will always be fat cats. Chose the life that makes you happy regardless of others lives."----TONY
"By great good fortune, I had parents who believed that only two things are really important, education and the character to use it. When a 25 year marriage ended, I worked 85 hours a week doing whatever honest work I could find to take care of myself and my children while their father drove a Lincoln convertible and bought his new wife diamonds.
Why did I not feel like a loser? Because I had been taught that the core of our being should depend on the virtues we strive for, which no one can take away, not material goods which can vanish overnight.
I have long felt sorry for Americans who believe that a car, a house (or houses) designer clothes, etc., etc. make them any different from who they really are.
They should have had my father, who told me when at age ten I learned that people could be jealous, the following: “There will always be girls prettier than you, more talented, smarter and with more money. There will always be girls not as pretty, not as talented, not as smart, with less money. Now do we ever have to have this conversation again?” We never did."--ELIZABETH
"Comparing my insides to someone else’s outsides is a losing proposition; I will always come up short.
...if I truly am a sensitive and compassionate person, how can I say,`… Many of us who’d proudly decided, in our twenties, to pursue edifying or creative, or `helping' professions woke up to realize, once we had families, that we’d perhaps been irresponsible.'
Is being poor, if I may use that word- an indication of irresponsibility? If I chose to follow a path that was not, from the beginning, a road to wealth, am I somehow “a loser?” It’s our perspective that helps us determine who and of what value we are.
If we can see and accept that, in the eyes of God, all of us are loved and cared for, and that the gain or loss of wealth is in no way indicative of the quality of ourselves, life is a lot easier. As the vernacular expression goes, lighten up."---MARK
"This article is just another example of the shallow, narcisstic values that have corrupted America since Reagan became president. Why should you care what other people think of you? Shouldn’t you focus more on your own inner happiness and doing what makes you truly happy?
Why has the pursuit of wealth become so virtuous in the first place? Why have people been overpaying for houses for the past 20 years? Let’s keep it real folks–this correction in the housing market has been long overdue. I frankly don’t care if people are paying more on their home then it’s worth.
...The key to inner happiness is not wealth, but pursuing a life, and a career, that fulfill your potential. I’m a writer, I am not wealthy, but I am truly happy because I get paid for doing what I love to do.
Of course I wouldn’t mind making more money, but my values are solid. Whatever happened to the old-fashioned American virtue of sacrifice? I rent now, but the money I save allows me to support my son as he pursues his college education and pursuit of a career in the high tech field.
My sacrifice will allow him to get a good job in the near future, and he’ll be able to buy his own home at a reasonable price within the next two years.
In short, we need a correction in our value system as much as we need this current correction in the housing and financial sectors, if not more so."---TANGO
"I am not defending the people in finance that caused this mess (the people that sacrificed lending standards and shoved complex mortgages down people’s throats and then sold them off to other people for a profit), but I do want to defend the salaries of the majority of people on wall street: try working 130 hours a week for the first 15-20 years of your life and then try and make the argument that a banker or trader’s salary and bonus isn’t justified.
i’m 2 years out of college. i make $70k a year and will most likely get a $50k bonus (unless i get goose egged which isn’t out of the question). i work from 9am till 12pm 5 days a week and 5-10 hours on weekends. do the math and see if my per hour wage is any different than yours.
people in finance are not paid unfair amounts. we just work harder, longer, and do more important and complex task, so we are more sought after. if you choose to do a job that anyone can do, don’t btch when you’re paid accordingly."----PAUL
"I have always held the philosophy that happiness is the best revenge. My husband and I have worked in New York City in good-paying jobs in companies where some people had phenomenal paying jobs.
The difference I always felt was that my husband and I were actually enjoying what we did, while the higher paid colleagues around us enjoyed talking about how much they had. We’d always go home and tell each other that as easy as it would be to be jealous of them, it’s just wasn’t healthy.
So we counted our blessings and learned to just be thankful for the good things and precious people in our lives. Now that some of these high flyers are surely going to come crashing to the ground, I feel sorry for them that they really will be at a loss for finding joie de vivre in their lives. Never had it and never cared enough to learn to appreciate the small things. Now, they’ll have nothing. It makes me profoundly sad for them."---BETH
"A lot of the sadness, anger and frustration flying around seem to have a basis in an axiom from anthropology: outsiders often confuse the status-markers for the status. Say you’re dealing street drugs, and you want respect. You notice that doctors and lawyers get respect, and they drive Mercedes automobiles. The tendency is to think that if you acquire the status-marker, the status will come with it. In reality, all you’ll be is a drug dealer with a Mercedes.
The truly wealthy have more money than they can spend, and anyone who’s just acting wealthy is an outsider, in this example.
New York is a financial center—a financial center. Money-spinning is almost its only industry, on which the service providers (including Mr. Trump, who’s providing groovy living space for the money spinners) depend. There’s a whole big world out there for New Yorkers who don’t want to work in the thrall of the financial sector—all you have to do is leave your high-cost-of-living environment.
It seems to a non-New Yorker that many of you have bought into the status and prestige of plying your lives and interests only in New York. You start your problem-solving with the assumption that you have to stay there, because the status loss for any alternative would be unbearable.
Tom Wolfe wrote about this long ago—that New Yorkers consider everything they do to be “the Big League” of whatever-it-is. If you drive cab in New York, you have bragging rights over any cabbie anywhere, and so on.
Greed is the byword that everyone’s blaming, but the lust for status, and a lack of education and awareness about what status is and how it works (ie, you really went to med school / vet school / law school; you graduated; you earn your living practicing your profession—you’re really a doctor / lawyer, versus you like to hang out with doctors / lawyers, feel you need to drive a similar car, etc.) seems to be a huge hidden variable that’s worsening the already-bad financial decisions of lots of people."---GERONIMO
"Around three years ago I bumped into an old acquaintance from high school, someone I hadn’t spoken to in over 20 years, in line at a fast food restaurant. As we ate lunch together I learned that this former football player who I had though kind of a doofus was now a VP at an investment bank living in a big house in the burbs. I sheepishly explained my situation, one much closer to what the writer describes here. His simple response, delivered with a hangdog face? “Money doesn’t buy happiness.”
That really had an effect on me. I hope he’s doing OK now. But me? I don’t have debt besides an old college loan that will expire in less than a year. I’ve never lived above my means and still have the same stereo and TV I had twelve years ago. I couldn’t care less about jewelry or fancy clothes, I drive a four year old Toyota and I basically don’t feel the urge to spend on anything other than necessities. "---SPUD
"Now that you all have congratulated yourselves for your enlightened lives consider this. Maybe, just maybe, some people chose this profession not for the compensation but for the challenge. I take issue with the concept that you must be in teaching, music, etc to be considered creative. The financial disciplines allow for creativity that knows no bounds. The convergence of probability, data, computing power and imagination makes me giddy as I write this from my (only) home in NJ."— DAVID
"I’m an old lady, and one of the things I’ve learned over the years is that envy is a mistake. My first lesson was envy of a gorgeous young woman I knew. It lasted until I found out she had cancer. No, I wouldn’t trade my good health to be gorgeous. The second was envy of a wealthy young woman I knew. It lasted until I met her abusive boyfriend. No, I wouldn’t trade my good relationship to be wealthy.
After that, I decided I didn’t know enough about anyone to envy their whole life, and envying parts of people’s lives seemed unrealistic. So I just dismissed the whole thing. It’s hard not to envy when things seem so unfair, and the “winners” rub your nose in it. But the coming downturn is likely to be a case of “just desserts” for a lot of people. Their angst will be in proportion to how much they overvalued material success in the first place. In all probability, you don’t want to be them. Not even now, and certainly not over the next few years.
Never use the word “loser” for yourself or anyone else. Or “winner” either. You sound like a great person, who will make it just fine if you tune out hogwash like this."--- ANNE
"A somewhat different take on the same angle is that, in a capitalist society, by and large the sales role becomes the most important in every business organization, and becomes the highest-paid role. It’s not the inventor who got the patent — once it’s been patented, someone’s got to sell it. It’s not the organized business manager — sales are the driving force behind every efficiency measure.
...As for people getting or not getting what they deserve — life has always been unfair. We must remember that a life well lived rarely has a direct correlation to the amount of material resources available to the person who has a truly fulfilling life. There are sad and crazy hedge fundistas, and mature, sensitive, and well-loved bus drivers in this world.
I wouldn’t think too hard about the other people on the train, Ms. Warner. You do a lot more than most of them to share insight and a sense of rightness in the world, and you give something others cannot. Let that be enough."---MITCHELL
"I guess the NYT won’t let me put up my original comment. I am one of those young guys you are all harping about. Economics degree, worked in finance the past 5 years, thinking about an MBA and returning to finance.
I have always wanted to be wealthy. I want to be able to travel, live well, pay for private school if and when I have children among other things.
I will not apologize for this. I did not put a gun to anyone’s head and force them to be an artist or to buy a house, furniture or appliances they could not afford. I grew up in the 3rd world and I know what real poverty looks like. I do not glorify it and I want no part of it. Nor do I want anyone limiting my earnings potential.
All of you commenters see nothing wrong with Models, Celebrities and Athletes making money - yet you have an issue people in finance. So let the schadenfreude reign, it is what it is. The street will come back - it always does."---BABA
"My husband and I have always had to defend our choice to be teachers, and our two children, when in high school, once claimed that they would never be teachers because all we ever talked about was money. Both children now are teachers. All of us may struggle, but we are idealists.
Much to mull over in all these comments: wealth, class, values, self-esteem, but a sustaining imperative might be, `Think big thoughts; relish small pleasures.'”----ANNE
"Another brilliant, insightful column that remided me again about why I read you week after week. You really do cut to the core of the issue here for the part of college-educated America that, as you put it, chose the “helping professions.” We’ve all been watching in horror for years as Tom Wolfe’s “bonfire” raged around us and nobody was noticing.
Living in America’s second banking town (Charlotte, NC), I have spent the last half-decade patiently trying to explain to my teenagers that there is no shame in the fact that we don’t live in a mansion, that driving a minivan as opposed to a Mercedes does nat mean that we are social outcasts, and that people who have closets full of $300/pair jeans are ridiculous — and each time was greated with a look that said that I was simply delusional.
Now the banks are failing and people are desperate, but there is no joy in being right and being like the self-righteous ant as the winter comes for the grasshopper."---JAMES
"Why would anyone leading an ethical life feel like a loser? Since when does a reasonable person measure success by how much money they have, assuming they aren’t living in a cardboard box?
...No, we are not all in this, only the people who did this and the people who absorbed their values for measuring their own lives. The rest of us, ethical, prudent, ants if you will, are just hoping the government doesn’t give away too much of our tax money to fix what is not our problem."---TRUDY
"I’ve come to value highly your thoughtful insights, which also served to inform me of how the world looks to a person a generation younger than I and on the other side of the gender divide. This column might be the best of all your work I’ve read. It made me feel less alone in my 32-years-ago choice to forego the career of a Wall Street lawyer.
I wanted to help real, live people as clients, knowing that they often don’t have the money to pay lawyers, so I left NYC, moved to a small town, and hung out my shingle. I made a living and I have managed to do some good, but I always felt guilty that I could not give my family trips to Europe or BMWs. Foolishly and without much reflection, I thought that I was one of few who had this choice but still felt conflicted about it. Thanks. You made my day"---DERI
"They’ll be back. They always come back."— The Outspoken New Yorker
it's the waiting that's killing me. i'm so damn eager to bust this place and fly back to manila. if i could, right at this moment.
but alas, the stars have conspired against my wish, or to be more specific, my former employer's hr department. my former bosses have already given the go signal for my return and i emailed the hr with my formal application on monday, but until now not even a peep from those peeps.
sheesh. gusto ko nang umuwe!!! i can't stand it here any longer. although i told them i might get back either second week of november or first week of december at the latest, i was hoping that everything would be tidied up by now and all i'll have to do is buy that one-way ticket back to pinas.
hay naku. i'm so bored na. i can't imagine doing four more issues for my current employer. nyeta niya. since monday, ive been doing nothing but surfing online. i was supposed to attend something this morning but i decided to wake up late and instead go to the mall to look for shoes.
i so wanna go back na to manila.
Tell Me On A Sunday
Don't write a letter when you want to leave
Let the Pain Remain
By Basil Valdez
Love comes, love goes,
drat. hours after my vowing never to be a panakip butas again episode (with matching scarlett o'hara chanelling), ive been told that i'll end up as a big panakip butas when i get back to manila.
yes. rage! rage! rage against the dying of the light!..... well, uhm.....at least they'll pay me. :D
it was the scent of the room that brought you back to me. the moment i entered, so many pictures flooded my head and i had to stop for an instant because uncontrolled emotions roiled inside me wanting to break free. it was you.
as i slowly walked towards the bed, sat uneasily, and reluctantly felt the old, coarse bedsheets, i fervently wished that you were still there. how i wished it was your hands that i was still caressing.
my fingers lingered not knowing where to find you because a big part of me still can't accept finding your room empty. even now. as my eyes darted from one angle of the room to another, my heart was still desperately hoping for a surprise, desperately hoping to see you in your rocking chair, sleeping peacefully.
i've always wondered what you would have thought at the sight of the three men in your life, sitting in front of the altar as the priest continued his monologue in front of your coffin. how each of us carried your dreams, and how each of us in small and big ways disappointed you greatly
i pray and i know that you are in a better place now, shorn of all worries. i know i can no longer fulfill my wish of bringing you to the opera someday. and i will never hear you sing sa kabukiran again in this lifetime.
but as i sat there on your bed and let the silence of your room engulf me, i knew that you were there.
i hate it when i'm nostalgic....it's one of the things i should unlearn...but sometimes u just can't help yourself but....
a pex post on nov. 10, 2006:
u know I can't thank u enough for all the things u've done for me all these years. u made me so happy. that is why it gives me little comfort to admit that things have to change. we both have outgrown each other, I guess. it's time to move on.
i'll always treasure the memries....those first moments out of the closet, malate, how i learned to love mocha frap with hazelnut syrup, puccini's nessun dorma, greenbelt on sundays, bed...priceless. :D
DARN IT. how i wish those times didn't end. :)
i want to go home. the situation in the office has become clearer somewhat and i have a nasty feeling that i won't like my stay there in the coming months. it might not be hell but i think my drive would just ebb away as the months pass by. not good.
if i had known about this a month ago, i would have definitely gone back to manila pronto. cripes. i might have made the wrong decision.
i found these lines back when i was in college while reading old issues of the ny times review of books at the up main lib. they struck me then and they still remain meaningful to me now. horace wrote them in 13 BCE.
tell me my ligurinus
why do these reluctant flowing tears
surprise these dry cheeks
and my fluent tongue stumble
in unbecoming silences
in dreams at night i hold you in my arms
or toil behind your flight across the martian field
or chase through yielding waves
the boy who will not yield
"i guess we'll never make it to rio now."
"it's your fault. you were always the spoiled only son who expected everything handed to you on a silver platter."
"then i guess this is it. this is where the story ends."
"it never even started."
THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.