Saturday, September 20, 2008


it was the scent of the room that brought you back to me. the moment i entered, so many pictures flooded my head and i had to stop for an instant because uncontrolled emotions roiled inside me wanting to break free. it was you.

as i slowly walked towards the bed, sat uneasily, and reluctantly felt the old, coarse bedsheets, i fervently wished that you were still there. how i wished it was your hands that i was still caressing.

my fingers lingered not knowing where to find you because a big part of me still can't accept finding your room empty. even now. as my eyes darted from one angle of the room to another, my heart was still desperately hoping for a surprise, desperately hoping to see you in your rocking chair, sleeping peacefully.

i've always wondered what you would have thought at the sight of the three men in your life, sitting in front of the altar as the priest continued his monologue in front of your coffin. how each of us carried your dreams, and how each of us in small and big ways disappointed you greatly

i pray and i know that you are in a better place now, shorn of all worries. i know i can no longer fulfill my wish of bringing you to the opera someday. and i will never hear you sing sa kabukiran again in this lifetime. 

but as i sat there on your bed and let the silence of your room engulf me, i knew that you were there.

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