Monday, March 29, 2010

malate nostalgia

storyboard's over
no more midnight sonatas
we walk aimlessly

Friday, March 26, 2010


(this was my answer to victor's query bout my last post. it grew too long so i turned it into a new post instead. thanks victor.)

Q:And have you figured out the mystery yet?

A: hehe. i'd rather let sleeping dogs lie. let's just say i've already made my peace with that chapter of my narrative. hehe.

but the question did give me a different interpretation of things...why he's not yet married at 34, why his friends keep on teasing him and his guy bff, why the straight porn cd he lent me was about guys cumming.

why one night, as he was again cleaning his car, he was wearing this faded and very worn out violet shorts. and no underwear.

he was asking me how my day was while his right hand kept on playing with the few strands of stray hair beneath his navel. nay ko po.

yep, the fling's question did momentarily give me a vision of what life would have been like if...but would i dare open up again that chapter which has cost me so much?

ang umasa pa muli? i don't think so.

sorry for this long, emo reply. you probably weren't expecting this. but the fling's question touched a raw nerve.

they say first loves never die. but they do. it's just that sometimes they haunt you from the grave (oops there i go again hehe).

Sunday, March 14, 2010

a fling's question

it was one in the morning and i was picking up the bottles from our inuman when he had to ask this question: "are you two close?"

my guest was asking bout an old friend who was then outside their house at that ungodly hour, cleaning his car.

guest: "is he...?"

me: "what?"

guest: "you know..."

me: "nuh-uh...he's straight."

"funny," my guest said as he looked outside for the longest time. "he gave me that look when i know how that goes...."

i couldn't say a thing for a few seconds. he sounded serious about it. it wasn't some joke coming from someone who had too much alcohol.

"oh well..." he said as he turned to face me again while his right hand wandered to his crotch, pulled down his fly, and....

later that morning after my guest had gone, and my mind became clearer as the last traces of alcohol were flushed away, his words began to sink in.

and then they kept on ringing in my ear: "he gave me that look when i know how that goes...."

i could feel my chest tightening. tears suddenly started welling up my eyes. i wanted to throw up.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

chelsea hotel no. 2

by leonard cohen

I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel
you were famous, your heart was a legend.
You told me again you preferred handsome men
but for me you would make an exception.

And clenching your fist for the ones like us
who are oppressed by the figures of beauty,
you fixed yourself, you said, "Well never mind,
we are ugly but we have the music."