second thoughts

i'm having second thoughts about going back to manila. i don't know. it's just that i'm no longer that excited about going back to my old job. and the dollar is appreciating plus prices in manila are shooting through the roof. my gulay.

i've always wanted to go back since i left manila dec 2006 for hong kong. but since my mom got sick and i had to pay the bills, i bit my lip and stayed here. after mama died last april, i couldn't wait to go back to my old job.

that pay there is, like, three times smaller than what i get now but at least am proud of that job. to be honest, i'm pretty reluctant to answer whenever somebody asks me where i work today. i'm somewaht ashamed of it. i don't know but it doesn't really feel right although it's not even stressfull. far from it. on the other hand, that's another point I want to stress. i don't feel challenged. i'm losing my mojo because it's like i'm just on vacation.

and also, i feel that i really haven't reached that point when i could say that i've mastered the job i had in manila. they say you get that only after 10 years of staying in a job. i left after seven. i feel that there's still an unfinished chapter in that narrative.

but now, after i bought a nikon d80, i'm actually entertaining thoughts about staying put in hong kong. this thought gets stronger whenever i hear stories of how hard life is back in the philippines and how many people are trying to get out of the country to find work.

am i stupid to actually want to go back?