Sunday, May 18, 2008

for good

i've decided to go back to manila. after my mom died last month, i got to thinking about what to do with my life, and it's pointing me home.

my officemates say i should stay put and go after the opportunities hong kong offers. when i told a senior officemate of my plan to go back to manila, she pointedly asked "so, ayaw mo na sa hong kong?" er, not really.

i like it here. somehow. i like the efficient public transpo system. that it doesn't take a major production to go to the beach. the shopping. that cosmopolitan feel.

however, my friends are in manila. and gimmicks here are so, well, expensive. i've contacted my old employers and happily, they're willing to take me back, even though i said i might return only later in the year, maybe in august. am i making the right choice? er, i don't know.

yes, there's that voice teasing me that i'm just going back to my old "comfort zone." it tells me i'll miss much if i go back; that i will regret later my departure from hk. it asks me "why not take a leap and see where you land? see the world and not be stuck in a backwater (konsensya, ikaw ba yan?)."

much as I would like to take that leap (i do love surprises), the pull of manila is stronger. and who says i can't build my future there? the salary is not that big but i'll be financially secure (i think, based on my calculations), i'll have a career that i can be proud of, and i can still travel abroad (when you get that much-coveted junket).

and it will give me time to think about what i really want to do with my life. (at 30, and you still don't know?! [konsensya, ikaw nga!]) yes, i feel i need to regroup, take stock, and prepare for my next endeavor. i told a friend i might go abroad again, but maybe in 10 years time. he said he won't be here in hk by then.

oh well. maybe manila is where i really belong, and i don't mean that as a consolation. i do have that feeling of so many possibilities beckoning, of being at the cusp of what is to come, of finally being able to do what i want.

and who knows what surprises await after i go back for good? i haven't even started talking about the boys. hehehe.

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