i never really got to tell you goodbye. we'd see each other on the street nowadays, give the usual greeting, and then walk on with our lives.
i so wanted to ask more questions about how you're doing right now. if you still kept the mementos we had. if you still remember the fun we shared. maybe i.do.still.care.
but each time we see each other, i get the feeling that i'm talking to someone i've never met before. there's a distance about you that i dare not cross for i fear a torrent i might unleash.
sorry po. for not being there when you needed me the most. i still remember the time you came to the house after your accident. you asked for the TV schedule. i showed you the door.
let me just say that it was the most painful thing and i regret doing it. losing you brought me to a cold and barren wilderness and it took me a very long time to find my way again.
i had planned that if we ever got the chance to talk, a real conversation, i'd tell you about the dream i had on the night after we met. i remembered this only years later. in it, i lost you somehow but i never really remembered the reason.
i woke up crying but those tears were soon forgotten with all the love and care you showed. it was only after we parted that that memory came back. and i finally understood its meaning.
now we're on our own separate lives. this is all water under the bridge. and as you celebrate your 34th today, i genuinely wish you all the best. and i'm sorry it didn't turn out the way we planned it.
i'll always remember,
what i talk about when i talk about murakami
1 week ago