Sunday, January 16, 2011

maybe

maybe it was the way his eyes spoke when they looked straight at you. that searing feeling that someone is seeing your soul naked, helpless at the onslaught of his unforgiving gaze.

i have never been good at introductions but those eyes, those eyes spoke as if they knew me.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

a pilgrimage

saturday evening found me walking the old paths that lead to orosa-nakpil. we had just gone to a party in the suburbs when moi and friends decided to finally check out the new Bed.

it felt weird walking the streets of malate again. many of the joints we've gotten used to seeing were now gone. and my ged, there are now more girlie bars in adriatico. a few pechays even approached us. eeeeeeeeeeekkkk!!!!

all is not lost, i kept telling myself. at least o bar's still there---it was packed that night---and the word i got bout the new Bed was encouraging.

it just broke my heart that sonata's still closed. nasan na kaya sila janice, jepoi at yung cute niyang pinsan? wala na rin ang suki kong yosi vendor sa may labas. nakatapos na kaya yun ng course niya sa ama?

well, we finally made it to Bed and my first reaction was...anlinis and aren't those lights a bit too bright?

gone was the darkness that greeted you before and clothed you with anonymity when you stepped inside. heads actually turned when we got in. okeyyyy, i said to myself.

i guess the old Bed days are really gone...back then, you could be dancing on the packed ledge in front of the very small stage, look to your side, and see in the darkness someone on his knees. in worship.

and there was not that many people that evening although it was already past midnight. we quickly went upstairs and wow, remodeled na nga ang place. may cushioned seats (parang bridge ng starship enterprise or...for geriatrics like us, a friend joked) and then may third floor pa for the sunog bagas.

i've quit smoking (well, not if me amats) but i liked the yosi area. pwedeng tumambay out in the fresh air (ehem-ehem) and make kwento. may plants around, a bar, and cguro one could add a few sulos and it could feel like a beach party (pwedeng magbikini open!).

we went down again to the second floor pero di pa rin karamihan ang mga utaw. wa i pa ngang nagdadance sa first floor.

where are the gogo boys to get the people dancing? asked another friend. hindi pa lasheeng ang mga utash, i answered.

and they were also mostly of the upper strata (or they appeared to be...was actually thinking government ba to?) so, who again are you wearing?

the friendship wanted to ask one of the owners milling around, `what did you do to our church?!!

Bed used to mean--as james joyce said of the catholic church--`here comes everybody.' you go there and you'd see different meanings of the word gay. in the flesh. i guess the p500 entrance fee put an end to that.

as we milled around the place, we just wished Bed would succeed in its new incarnation. maybe the brighter lights and costlier entrance fee would mean that the pickpockets are gone.

i actually lost a brand new phone there once (a sony ericsson p900 to be precise...my ged, talagang that was lightyears ago) but that didn't stop me from going there again and again.

the old hole in the wall's charms were priceless. ella the tranny at the door; the confetti, bubbles, and bright lights that capped a club anthem's climax; the untrustworthy aircon system that had sweating bodies taking off their shirts (thank you!!!); and the packed space that made everyone look familiar as one went there more often.

i was looking for familiar faces last saturday night but didn't find that many.

as my friends tried to reminisce (again. what happened to the famous toilet with the aquarium?), i just tried to enjoy the new Bed and listened to the music.

honestly, the old Bed got me hooked through its music. before going there, I thought gay clubs only played diana ross, gloria gaynor or other 70s stuff until sunrise. boy, was i mistaken.

and the new Bed didn't disappoint. maybe it was the alcohol, but i was dancing as the dj worked it up just before we left. almost didn't want to leave.

by that time, there was already a line of people outside waiting to get in. tumatawag na ang kampana.

maybe, the magic's still there.

Monday, October 11, 2010

and the ether answers

funny. i write down a blog entry to unburden myself of a long-time regret, knowing that he'll never read it, and i get my answer hours later.

the universe, or the Big Man upstairs, does answer back your prayers.

and now we proceed. marami pong salamat! =)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

amends

dear ____

i never really got to tell you goodbye. we'd see each other on the street nowadays, give the usual greeting, and then walk on with our lives.

i so wanted to ask more questions about how you're doing right now. if you still kept the mementos we had. if you still remember the fun we shared. maybe i.do.still.care.

but each time we see each other, i get the feeling that i'm talking to someone i've never met before. there's a distance about you that i dare not cross for i fear a torrent i might unleash.

sorry po. for not being there when you needed me the most. i still remember the time you came to the house after your accident. you asked for the TV schedule. i showed you the door.

let me just say that it was the most painful thing and i regret doing it. losing you brought me to a cold and barren wilderness and it took me a very long time to find my way again.

i had planned that if we ever got the chance to talk, a real conversation, i'd tell you about the dream i had on the night after we met. i remembered this only years later. in it, i lost you somehow but i never really remembered the reason.

i woke up crying but those tears were soon forgotten with all the love and care you showed. it was only after we parted that that memory came back. and i finally understood its meaning.

now we're on our own separate lives. this is all water under the bridge. and as you celebrate your 34th today, i genuinely wish you all the best. and i'm sorry it didn't turn out the way we planned it.


i'll always remember,
________

Friday, September 10, 2010

what did ya say?

while doing acrobatics in bed....

moi: oh god! oh god!! oh god!!!

him: could you please stop saying that!

moi: er, i didn't know you were religious?

this reminded me of this girl character in a tv sitcom who said she shouted out saints' names whenever she Oed. hehehe.

Friday, April 30, 2010

requiem

moi: always singapore. :(

faghag: si longhair na naman b yan?

moi: someone else. another one who got away. =(

fagh: ohhhh. hugs dear. =(

fagh: at sinetch itetch? like i said before,when you've taken care of business here, pwede ka nang lumipad there.

moi: naman. para every morning magkasabay kaming tatlo sa train on our way to work. ansaya non.

fagh: gagah

moi: strike two na to ateh. one day madedeclare na talaga ako ng war sa country na yan!

fagh: go ahead

moi: it's not often you feel like telling a country: "inagaw mo ng lahat sa akin!!!"

fagh: tseh!


as i write these lines, there is again that melancholia similar to what i felt years ago when i noticed a pattern that i think keeps on repeating itself in my narrative: that the best parts are always before endings.

the happiest times for me, they always tend to crop up when a chapter is about to close. like, meeting a man of my dreams when the both of us are about to take different paths.

you share your moments together, knowing fully well it's not going to last, and afterwards all you have left is a distant memory of what was there.

sana next time hindi na ganun.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

burat...




yes, despite the name and the imagery, they do sell hard, wooden...clogs.

i actually checked. ok, i admit. i was hoping for something else (extra-service? =D) pero wa eh. Lol!

this was on a recent trip to hanoi. am curious about the owner. pinoy kaya itetch? hehehe.

cguro sa hanoi siya nagbukas (totyal!) dahil hindi makakalusot yang name na yan sa barangay dito sa pinas.

i remember someone trying to open a bar named nota republic some years ago. parang sabi dun sa registry: "lawyer ka ba?" ahahahaha. +D