disappointment

some people let me down today. people i trusted, which is all the more painful. it's a bit funny coz growing up, i learned early on to rely on myself. that's why it surprises me to discover sometimes that, i guess, i haven't really learned that lesson quite well. still.

i'm not the kind of guy who has much guile and uses people. i'm pretty transparent. but sometimes i wonder if it wouldn't hurt if i let the scheming bitch in me get heard. people don't respect you if you're the happy, smiling guy, who's all too accomodating. this year, i promise this is going to change. nyahahhahaa.  

ay.....

"It's important to remember that you can never regain something you left in the past. Shift your focus to the present and deal with the state of things as they are, instead of clinging to some memory of what you once had.

Memories may be nice...but that's all they are..."


natigilan ako run a........

and so it begins....

i couldn't wipe the silly grin off my face.

i was walking home after finishing work at the office this morning, and relishing the first few moments of my 30th birthday, when i couldn't stop grinning. boy, i must be really losing it. hehehehe.

the last time i felt like this was some years back when a friend from UP had some funny-tasting brownies i devoured with gusto. hay, that was a good trip. a very good trip. i was on a jeep from sm north to quiapo when i came to my senses in front of sto. domingo because a man was looking at me strangely. it was then that i realized i had been grinning all the way from sm north! hehehe.

oh well, i guess the pieces are finally falling into place. i sincerely thank God for the past 30 years of my getting lost along the byways of this world. well, not exactly. i really didn't get lost, because of Him. Thank you so much Papa Lordie (si bf ah, wag kalimutan).

There is so much to do and so little time, but meanwhile...the the beach beckons! :D

for good

i've decided to go back to manila. after my mom died last month, i got to thinking about what to do with my life, and it's pointing me home.

my officemates say i should stay put and go after the opportunities hong kong offers. when i told a senior officemate of my plan to go back to manila, she pointedly asked "so, ayaw mo na sa hong kong?" er, not really.

i like it here. somehow. i like the efficient public transpo system. that it doesn't take a major production to go to the beach. the shopping. that cosmopolitan feel.

however, my friends are in manila. and gimmicks here are so, well, expensive. i've contacted my old employers and happily, they're willing to take me back, even though i said i might return only later in the year, maybe in august. am i making the right choice? er, i don't know.

yes, there's that voice teasing me that i'm just going back to my old "comfort zone." it tells me i'll miss much if i go back; that i will regret later my departure from hk. it asks me "why not take a leap and see where you land? see the world and not be stuck in a backwater (konsensya, ikaw ba yan?)."

much as I would like to take that leap (i do love surprises), the pull of manila is stronger. and who says i can't build my future there? the salary is not that big but i'll be financially secure (i think, based on my calculations), i'll have a career that i can be proud of, and i can still travel abroad (when you get that much-coveted junket).

and it will give me time to think about what i really want to do with my life. (at 30, and you still don't know?! [konsensya, ikaw nga!]) yes, i feel i need to regroup, take stock, and prepare for my next endeavor. i told a friend i might go abroad again, but maybe in 10 years time. he said he won't be here in hk by then.

oh well. maybe manila is where i really belong, and i don't mean that as a consolation. i do have that feeling of so many possibilities beckoning, of being at the cusp of what is to come, of finally being able to do what i want.

and who knows what surprises await after i go back for good? i haven't even started talking about the boys. hehehe.
  

hate

is quite a strong word. but that's what i feel right now. bitter ba? bitter nga. i just erased someone from the past. i hate it that he's not here for me when i'm at my lowest. tears are running down now. can't take it anymore. must stop....

found one

no. not the boyfriend. the flat.

i paid last tuesday the downpayment for my new bacheleor's pad in causewaybay. hehehe. that was a fast one. it was only last weekend that we got our eviction notice. now, i have a new place to move into.

yipeeee!!!!! finally, i'm on my own. no more lonely nights in that far-away island with no gimmick places for moi.

i immediately liked the pad when i saw it because it was not only clean and partly furnished, it also had an excellent location. my new flat is just 5 mins away from the time's square mall in causeway. that's like living some five mins away from megamall or edsa shang.

and with our office transferring to wan chai in january, i guess i'd also be able to walk home 
after work. hehehe. para makatipid na rin.

the place just lacks a fridge and a washing machine but there are lots of laundry shops around and ikea is nearby if i want to buy some new furniture.

anyways, i'm kinda excited bout the nightlife in causeway. my officemates say it's one of the places in hong kong that stay up late into the night. hmmmm. so this choice might eventually lead me to find the boyfriend after all....weheheheheh

evicted

we just got our evicton notice from the landlord this afternoon. he's selling the flat when the lease ends come february. hay. i wish he wouldn't. this flat has grown in on me. it's small and cozy and well, it's near the beach. it's just a 20-minute walk.

after getting the notice, we did some checking on the other available flats in lamma (which btw is an island that's about 30 minutes away by ferry from hk). we found one that's nearer to the beach. about 10 minutes or so but it's farther from the pier. bout 20 to 30 mins.

the place was fully furnished. i liked the ambience. it had two big rooms and the view outside was good. bukid and not the urban jungle variety. the price tag was hk$6,500 but the 
landlord agreed to lease it for $6,000 a month.
so, just 6 hours after seeing the notice, i  thought i had a new place to crash into by dec. 15.

unfortunately, my flatmate changed her mind when she checked it out earlier this evening. 
apparently, the street leading to it wasn't well lighted and she 
balked at the thought of walking home late at night in that place. so now, 
we'll have to wait for some nice flat to be available  in the market.

but i'm thinking of going on my own. of finding a bachelor's pad in hk island. the price range there is hk3,000 to hk3,500. and 
that's already furnished. hmmm.